Have goals, dreams and expectations

Tomorrow I will be running my first 10km race. It is still weird to say. If anyone knows me they know how much I HATE running; I struggle to run a mile. I decided to set a goal, cross it off my bucket list and do this thing!

Last year I ran a 5km race and it went fairly well. I ran it in a good time without too much training. I was lucky to have the support of my teammates, coach and friend (he ran the race with me). This time my little brother Andrew will be volunteering at the finish line and I have a few close friends who will be watching me cross off a goal I have always wanted to accomplish.

My best friend/teammate Jasmine, coach Richard and me after my 5km last year

My goal for this is to beat my coach who is running in the half marathon. We start at the same time, and his pace will be a lot faster but he will be starting a good 10miles behind me, hopefully that is enough time to get myself moving. My goal is to finish the race between 50minutes and 1 hour and 10 minutes. That means I am looking at a 9minute mile pace. I haven't done much training for this race but when I was I had been doing 9minute and 22 second miles. So tomorrow will be a true test of what I can do.

Wish me luck and I will let you know how it went, after I can feel my legs again.

-Kersten xo.

Dear motivation where are you?

I had morning practice at the outdoor pool, so that meant 10meter. I woke up in a good mood and decided to give it everything I had today. No excuses. No complaints. Give it 110 percent.

Who would have thought that's all I needed to have a good practice? Today I did three dives up on 10meter: 5253B (back two and a half somersaults with one a half twists in the pike position), 405B (inward two and a half somersaults in the pike position) and 107B (front three and a half somersaults in the pike position). They weren't that bad either. I also worked on my reverse build ups and arm stand build ups. I left feeling accomplished and ready to take on my day.

I haven't said too much about my math class I am taking this summer as there isn't much to tell. It has been one of those classes where I'm questioning how it is even a class. Don't get me wrong I am loving the fact I just have to show up to class to get 100, but I haven't learned a single thing... A little frustrating, but hey at least I am going to pass.

Heading into work this afternoon I started thinking a lot about who I am, where I want to be and everything in between. Lately when I say I want to do something I find every excuse to avoid it, training included. I don't really know what is holding me back, but it is killing my motivation. I have an extensive to-do list and I feel like I am adding things on the list instead of crossing them out. I just need to buckle down and get to it. I think after moving back in with my amazing roommate Bridget and her friend Lauren I will be in a better place. That's another thing I was suppose to move a bunch of things to the condo and that never got done. Where is my motivation at? Even at work I am struggling to work on some tasks that need to be done.

I think it is almost a matter of WHERE DO I START? I have such a long list with so many things on it I don't even want to think about most of them. They are tedious and frustrating. I have realized lately I have too much on my plate. I know I never thought I would ever say that, but it's true. I am overwhelmed with so much going on and I need to step back and realized what I need to do and what I just want to do and make some cuts.

If anyone has any thoughts on where to find that motivation let me know.

Happy Monday

-Kersten xo.

Big leaps of faith

During the conference I attended over a month ago now there was an amazing inspirational speaker, Ann Gaffigan. Ann was a pro track and field athlete, she ran the steeplechase. She has this amazing story of everything she had to overcome to be where she wanted to be in life. The thing that hit me the most was her talking about in high school she was her happiest and a few years later in her life the relationships she had and where she wanted to be where not what she needed. She felt like she was trapped in a box and couldn't escape. That's when she needed to make a change, take a leap of faith.

I am working on trying to surround myself with good people in my life. People who respect my values and make me a better person. I was in a situation where I was changing who I was to make someone else happy. It's been difficult trying to break out of it, trying to start over.

You want to know what the best part about being at the bottom is? You can only go up, and you climb anyway you want too.

I started packing on Friday to move out and move back into my old place, a place that I absolutely love with an amazing roommate, and it hit me. I am starting over. I am on my own again. It's exciting though in a lot of ways. A nice change, a place to surround myself with amazing friends. It is also sad, I helped to create a beautiful home, a place of happiness and a place I could just relax. It is all bittersweet. Leaving behind the cutest dog, a beautiful home and a lot of memories is a little difficult. But I know I have all of my amazing friends and family behind me, and that makes me smile and makes me realize I am quite lucky.

Tomorrow and the next little bit I will be taking a leap of faith. Wish me luck.

-Kersten xo.

Did you learn something?

In May I went back to Canada to compete at the Canadian Summer Senior National Championships. I had high hopes for this competition as my season had gone really well in my opinion. My coach and I flew to Quebec City in hopes of making finals on all events and placing in the top eight.
I BLEW IT. I had one of the worst competitions I could ever imagine. It was embarrassing and just horrible. I couldn't get anything right. I struggled with every dive and struggled with myself. My best event was the worst score I had all season. On 3meter I came last, which was extremely hard to handle.

Why? Why did that happen? What did I do so wrong? Those questions I kept asking myself. I couldn’t get over this hurt and wonder. When I went back to practice at the U I was almost scared to talk to my new head swim coach. He really understood and explained that it happens sometimes. He asked me this one question: did you learn something from the experience?

I didn’t have to think too hard about that question. I learned A LOT. I learned that I didn’t train the way I should have leading up to the meet and that future meets I really need to put 110 percent into my training, not 40 percent. I learned that eating the right way and not staying up until 4 a.m. every night doesn’t help. I learned that I need to work on competing on my own; sometimes I may not have my team behind me and I need to learn to control how I’m doing on the board not what everyone else is doing.

I can look back at that meet and still feel some annoyance, but I learned so much more from it than if I would have placed where I wanted to.

A bunch of my teammates are at sectionals. One of our new freshman Kylie texted me today saying she is not swimming the fastest she could. She was upset and mad that she wasn’t hitting any of her times. One of our coaches told her that it was okay and it happens. I kind of told her about my experience. I told her she’s a great swimmer and she knows how fast she can swim. There are some things that may have changed her training schedule and that she just wasn’t to the level she wanted going into the meet. I reminded her of all of that.

When things go extremely wrong, it was a bad day. You know the level you are at and you know how good you can be. Sometimes for a short time other things may be a bit more important, and you just have to find that balance. You have to decide what is more important. For my meet I decided hanging out with friends and not practicing was more important. For the future I know when it comes down to it my training, my sleep and the way I am eating will help me succeed.

-Kersten xo.

A little Kenny to make it alright

With my little brother around I want to just hang out with him and forget that I actually have things to do. I am really enjoying having him here, nice seeing family. With me being so busy I don’t know if he is really getting to enjoy hanging out with me. He is sitting in front of his Xbox quite a bit; when I get the chance I take him to do something exciting. 

After another practice where I’m feeling like I am going backwards instead of forward I had the chance to feel like a “normal” person. 

Practices have been rough this week. I haven’t been able to hit really any of my dives. I still can’t grasp the concept of my front three and a half. I keep drawing into my tuck instead of kicking my heels and getting the drive on the dive. I have tried numerous things to try and get it. Caleb has been great in helping me, but I still am struggling to get the dive. Have you ever had something that you are trying so hard to do, but you just can’t seem to figure it out? It seems almost hopeless. I need this dive for competition this year and the end result doesn’t even come up in my radar. 

On the “normal” side of things I got to go see one of my favorite country stars, Kenny Chesney. I went with one of my teammates and it was a blast. Sometimes you have to enjoy a little, treat yourself to a night away from everything. That is what I did. I sang so loud I nearly lost my voice and I got just be me without a worry.

Note to self and everyone reading this:

"Well I'm what I am and I'm what I'm not I'm sure happy with what I've got I live to love and laugh a lot And that’s all I need"

Don’t let your fears be bigger than your dreams

I have always believed that being fearless isn’t about not having fear, it’s about having the fear and overcoming it anyway. Fear doesn’t necessarily  have to be in a sport or going skydiving, fear can be talking to someone you get nervous around or fear of not paying bills, which we all know what that is like. 

Today I was standing on 10meter and a small fear hit me. For the first time in quite a while I was scared to do my dive. My favorite dive, my easiest dive, I was worried. I tried to calm myself down, but something in my head took over. I took a deep breath and told myself I have done this so many times, it’s easy just do it. I went for it and survived. Sometimes we have those little fears that come to us and trusting yourself is all you need to do. When you start to worry close your eyes, take a deep breath and say “Trust”. You know you can do it, your body knows you can do it; you just need to trust yourself. 

I decided to trust myself in signing up for a 10KM race on Pioneer Day (7 days from now). My coach is running the half marathon that day and has always been an inspiration to me in running. My coach is to beat his time in my 10K with his half marathon time. So that is approximately 1 hour and 20 minutes. I haven’t been training too much either for this, so I am a little worried. I have done a few 5km runs past little bit, but not too much. I know I have people who are backing me on this and they all believe in me; I just need to trust myself. This is one for my bucket list if I complete it. 

My advice for everyone today is: have goals and trust yourself! 

-Kersten xo.

Stuck in a rut

Same thing day after day after day. Sometimes I find it extremely hard to pick myself up in the morning. The same routine. The same classes. The same practice. The same work schedule. Yes routines mean that I am getting better. Routines mean that I am disciplined and know my priorities. But lately routines have got me down in the dumps. There is this one song I have been listening too, “Something More” by Sugarland. It’s just saying there has to be more than what is in front of me. 

I feel like I take advantage of all of the great opportunities I have. I have to remind myself sometimes where I am at in my life. I am only 22 years old; I am a division one diver for the University of Utah in the best conference in the nation; I am a Dean’s List student; I have a job that pays my bills; I have a place to live; I have a loving family and friends. I am truly blessed, but sometimes I just want to be that “normal college student.” 

I want to be able to stay I want to stay up all night and hang out with friends. I want to not worry about practice in the morning. I want to be able to on a whim take a trip to Las Vegas or Moab. In the past few days I have texted so many of friends saying “I’m sorry I have work.” Or “I’m sorry I have practice.” At what point is there free time? I tend to have it from the hours of 11 p.m. to 7 a.m. So do I give up sleep to enjoy life? 

I’m not trying to complain and I am not trying to say I don’t appreciate all the things I have, but I just want a break sometimes too. I know I have said in my previous posts I only have one year left and I am going to give it my all, but I also don’t want to look back at my college experience and say that I didn’t do anything either. 

Here’s to fighting that never ending struggle for balance. 

-Kersten xo.